Commenters criticized a man on Reddit for returning his fiancee’s wedding dress behind his back after his mother chose a different one.
The original poster (OP), known as u/Throway9757657, posted about the incident on the forum “Am I the asshole?” on Friday where it received more than 18,000 upvotes and 9,100 comments. The post can be found here.
Mothers-in-law and Conflict
Research shows that toxic mothers-in-law often have difficulty respecting boundaries and are inconsistent with their moods, creating additional stress for some people.
According to a study published in the journal Evolutionary psychological scienceBoth men and women reported experiencing more conflict with their in-laws than with their biological parents. Almost helped by the respondents also said that they experienced more conflict with their mothers-in-law than with their biological mothers.
In the post titled “AITA for my reaction when I found out that my fiancé returned my wedding dress and replaced it with the one his mother chose for me?” The 28-year-old woman said that she will be married in December.
While he said he gets along with his fiancé’s mother, the OP explained that she’s the “intrusive type” but “nice overall.”
“I hate to admit that wedding planning has been an absolute nightmare,” the post read. “Her mother of hers was not willing to agree to most things, and my fiancé said that since he is her only child, he should respect and appreciate this ‘vision’ she has for the wedding and how should be”.
Recently, the OP went wedding dress shopping with her mother, some friends, and her soon-to-be mother-in-law, who “insisted” on going.
Although she found the dress she was looking for, she said her fiancé’s mother chose a different one, saying she “always pictured her son’s girlfriend in it.” The OP said his friends and his mother were “freaked out” by the comment and said the dress was not his style.
“I apologized and thanked her for her ‘vision,’ but told her that I had already decided on a dress that I had ‘pictured’ wearing to my wedding,” the post read.
‘Consider the dress’
When her fiancé came home later that day, he began to “rant” about how upset his mother was that she “rejected” his choice of dress and “excluded” her from the experience.
The OP told her fiance that she didn’t think her mother should have anything to say about her dress, but he got upset and told the OP that her “attitude” wasn’t “working on him” or her mother.
“She said she should consider the dress her mom wanted her to buy, especially knowing that ‘both dresses weren’t too different anyway’ as she put it,” the post read. “But I told him yes, they were different…like very different.”
On Thursday, the OP said she came home to find her wedding dress missing before finding out later that her fiancé returned it to her in exchange for the dress her mother chose.
“I called him and he was upfront about what he did and why he did it,” the post read. “I lost control and started yelling at him. He asked me to calm down and really give this dress a ‘chance’.”
The two then had another argument before she left and went to live at a friend’s house. She then started getting texts and calls from her fiancé saying that she “overreacted” and that this is “her wedding too.”
“She wanted over and over again about how her mother has a ‘vision’ and good intentions and what is best for me as her future daughter-in-law,” the post read. “Mom is furious and she’s wanted to go yell at him and his mom, but my dad said it’s not worth ruining my relationship with my in-laws.”
Rather, the OP’s father suggested that she “get smarter” and “go with the flow”.
“Is it too much for me to be able to choose my own wedding dress without feeling guilty about it just to keep the peace?” the post read. “AITA for my reaction?
Many of the commenters suggested that the OP leave his fiancé on the situation.
“Give her back the ring… say ‘I hope you have the wedding you and your mom have always hoped for.'” Stay away,” one user commented.
“NTA. It’s good that this is happening now,” another user commented. “This is not a dynamic that is going to change with either your fiancé or his mother. RUN.”
“Maybe her mom could wear it to the wedding and replace you,” another user commented.
“Get informed and run a mile. The next step is to choose your honeymoon and come,” another user commented. “Run, run, run, run and then run some more.”
“NTA, sensible response: cancel the wedding,” one user commented. “Comedy response: take his suit back and trade it for a clown suit. Plus, your dad is being ridiculous too.”
Newsweek has reached out to au/Throwaway9757657 for comment.
Other viral posts
In another viral Reddit post, a bride was criticized this week for lying to a guest about the presence of children at the wedding, while another was backed up in July for keeping her nephew away from her wedding.
Additionally, a woman was praised earlier this month for “upstaging” an insecure bride at her wedding.